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from: Coping with Divorce, During and After
Summary: Coping with divorce especially if you are the receiving end of the disaster is a mighty hill to climb
In some cases divorce is the only option somebody has to choose to be happy –both ways. Either the spouses have fallen out of love or something occurred along the way during the married years that had caused such drawback, or the marriage was badly planned at the start. Such reasons could happen to anyone, including you or your spouse. The bad thing for such event is if you’re on the receiving end of the disaster. Your spouse will decide divorce is the best way to break free and you have to decide a divorce because you are both… incompatible; with irreconcilable differences.
Coping with divorce especially if you are the receiving end of the disaster is a mighty hill to climb. But it is a hill you MUST climb since a divorce is only inevitable. Prolonging it would only prolong your sentence. To get on with your life you have to focus. Here are a few guidelines that should help bring you right on track.
Start Sooner!
Starting over can be an overwhelming and disheartening endeavor, especially if you are still in a brokenhearted state. Because marriage is not just a legal technicality, brokenhearted state is just one emotional stage you’re going to experience. You have to recognize the predictable emotional stages that would definitely surface if your going to help yourself.
Probably the fist barrier coping with divorce early is Denial. You have to decide quickly. Is it truly happening? Is it just hearsay? Can you still patch it out? Denial often is the reason why marriages become so hopelessly lost. Anger and Resentment is usually the next tide of emotional stage. To save you from certain sorrow, first mechanism is getting angry. Then the next would be the shameless episode of Bargaining. This stage should be tackled considerably. It can save marriages and it can destroy self-esteem utterly. For most occasions, it is advisable to save bargaining except if it is really clear that there would be reconciliation if a change should occur. Once bargaining fails, Depression sets in. This is a very critical emotional stage, as most self destructive habits and activities a\surface in this stage. After all that is Acceptance and a new slate of life.
Coping up with divorce on this stage requires a dedicated time for introspection. No, there are no remedies for these. These problems are meant to be faced. The best you can do is: have a good meal, then a walk to the park to clear your head. Do something out of the ordinary and do something laidback; the sort that could allow you to think without breaking down. Tai Chi is very good for such purpose. Meditation and the exercise will occupy your mind while having some conscious capability to think things through. Think it by facts, not by emotional feelings. The faster you are to let go of those feelings the more easily your burden of coping with divorce will be.
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